


didn't we have fun? - ryder donovan

by penaltbox



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: College Hockey, F/M, Hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22395736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penaltbox/pseuds/penaltbox
Summary: this is, and always will be, my most favorite thing i've ever writteni hope everyone else enjoys it too
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	didn't we have fun? - ryder donovan

He swallows hard before hitting the send button, hoping he’s caught you at a good time. He’s not exactly sure what your life looks like these days. He doesn’t know your class schedule or if you have study group on Wednesday nights anymore. He isn’t sure if you still go to Kollege Klub with the boys Saturday nights or just stay in with your roommates and drink that wine you love so much.

You’re sitting on your couch, notes from your class spread around you like confetti with the color coding system he’d taught you dancing across the pages. Your phone lights up and you frown, figuring it was one of the boys asking if you wanted to go out. Your breath catches in your throat when you see his name light up your screen. What used to be such a common occurrence was something so surprising now and you immediately unlock the phone.

It’s a simple message but so him, so very Ryder. It’s laced with emotions you had pushed away for the better part of a year since things had ended and they spring back instantly.

‘ **Just wanted to say I hope things are going well this semester. You deserve the world.** ’

You try and swallow the lump in your throat at those words. It used to be ‘I’ll give you the world one day’ and had transformed into ‘you deserve the world’ as he slowly started to cut things off. It had been mutual, more or less, but it still hurt deeper than you ever thought something could.

He would forever have a spot in your heart. He was the first boy you’d ever loved, ever been truly in love with. But Vegas came calling earlier than he expected and you still had to finish college. It was the hardest decision ever, but you both knew free time would be slim and you didn’t want to ever disappoint one another. So it ended.

As you read the message over and over again, you can’t help but think back. You had spent so much time with him. You’d done so many things and gotten to go a lot of different places. He always ended your dates with the same question:

Didn’t we have fun?

—  
Freshman Year

_You’d seen him in your shared dorm building a few times before, but always smiled and kept your head down. He was ‘too cute’ was what you always told yourself but he seemed to think otherwise. He kept saying hi, kept talking when he’d see you around. Even on campus he’d make sure to say hi._

_You quickly found out he was on the hockey team and that stole your heart so fast. You grew up playing and suddenly you had plenty to talk to him about. He was quick to invite you out with him and his teammates, but you declined the first two invites. The third time he wouldn’t take no for an answer, practically begging for you to attend a party the next night._

_“Bring your roommates if you want! It doesn’t matter who goes, but I do want to get to hang out with you,” he’d said, that big smile taking over his face._

_You had little defense when he gave you that look and so you finally gave in. It’s how you ended up at your first college party, taking it all in along with alcohol you hoped wouldn’t get you into trouble later._

_Ryder was with you almost the entire night, happily introducing himself to your friends and you to his. He was even more outgoing in a scene like that and you knew the two of you were opposites._

_“You look super cute tonight,” he leans over towards you, hoping only you would hear._

_Your friends give you a look, making up excuses about needing to step away. You can feel the redness that takes over your cheeks as you give Ryder a bashful smile._

_“Thank you. This is actually pretty fun. I didn’t know what to expect,” you say, motioning at the packed living room in front of you two._

_He nods, but he’s not looking at the party. Instead he’s watching you as you slowly look up and realize what he’s doing. It’s no relief for the blush on your cheeks and you can’t help but elbow his side gently._

_“What? It’s not nice to stare,” you laugh._

_He smiles instantly as his hand finds the small of your back, “hard not to when you’re so pretty. I’m also wondering what I might have to do to get you to go on a date with me.”_

_The question catches you off guard, but you’re quick to tell him he only needs to ask. And so he does. He gets your number, saves it in his phone, and promises to text you the next day. Your friends wander back over after a bit, checking to see if you were ready to head home._

_You nod, looking over at Ryder, and turning to say goodbye. He pulls you into a hug and you tiptoe to give one back to him. Before he pulls away you hear him quietly ask the phrase you’d become so familiar with over the next two years._

_“Didn’t we have fun?”_

_You whisper a ‘yes’ pulling away slowly and smiling at him. He gives you a little wink and nods towards the door. You give him a little wave as you go, the butterflies in your stomach practically carrying you out._

_***_   
_The Kohl Center is electric for the current series and you’re so glad you decided not to skip the game that night. You cross your arms, slipping the sleeves of Ryder’s sweatshirt over your hands as you nervously watch them skate around. They were playing so hard and had to score a goal soon with the way things were going._

_You see Ryder hop over the boards and your eyes are glued on him. You’d managed to snag a seat on the glass for this game and you can’t take your attention off him. You see the puck hit his stick at just the right time and the goalie is frozen, leaving open a perfect shot that Ryder doesn’t miss._

_You’re cheering alongside everyone else in the fan section but Ryder is looking for just you. As the boys crowd around him he’s looking over, a big smile taking over his face as he points at you._

_You can feel the burn of the blush on your cheeks and realize you still have to sit through one more period before you can congratulate him. The game drags by as you impatiently watch them fight for the win._

_The Kohl clears out as you and a few others slowly make your way down to wait for the boys. You find yourself tapping your foot and checking the time every few minutes. A blonde poke of hair finally comes down the hall and you can’t help but get excited._

_“Good game,” you say as he quickly wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you off the ground in a hug._

_“I can’t believe that net was open! Did you see how hard the defenseman pinched over and left me open? That was so awesome!” He rambles, smiling down at you._

_You can’t help the butterflies you get from watching him, still not used to this incredibly cute boy giving you so much attention. It had been a few months now and he hadn’t lessened his interest in you from what you could tell._

_He takes a deep breath finally and leans down to kiss you, surprising you considering most of his teammates were around. You kiss him back, hiding your face in his chest once he pulls away._

_He laughs, laying a kiss to your head, “I have an important question for you.”_

_You hum, looking back up at him and biting your lip. He raises a hand, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear._

_“Will you be my girlfriend?”_

_You feel like your face could split in two from the smile on it and you quickly nod. You had a feeling it might happen soon, but after a game was not when you’d thought it might go down. Ryder leans in for another quick kiss, mumbling as he pulls back._

_“Didn’t we have fun?”_

_And oh, did you ever._

**  
Sophomore Year

_The wind whips your hair back as the boat quickly flies across the large Minnesota lake. You laugh as you watch Shay fall off the wakeboard, their dad slowing the boat down to go back and get him._

_Your legs are over Ryder’s lap, his hand on your thigh as the other holds a Yeti mug with a mixed drink in it. This was probably your definition of the best day possible and you were more than happy to spend it with the Donovan’s._

_His parents had welcomed you with open arms two days prior, which was good considering you were spending the week at their place. They treated you like one of their own and it only made you even more ingrained in Ryder’s life._

_Shay climbs back onto the boat and sends you two a smirk, knowing Ryder wasn’t about to move away from you. His dad mentions they should head back for dinner, checking his watch as he trolls back to their dock._

_You help his mom with what you can for dinner, but she tells you to go relax after a bit. You find Ryder out on the deck as the sun starts to go down and sit on his lap, one hand sliding up the back of his neck as you play with his hair._

_“Hi pretty,” he smiles at you, leaning in for a quick kiss, “think you got a little sunburnt today. We’ll have to get you some aloe gel before bed.”_

_You nod and kiss the side of his head, “good idea. So I think I love your family.”_

_He lets out a little snort as he looks up at you, “you love them?”_

_You nod, mentioning how sweet his parents had been and how his sisters both seemed to welcome you in so easily. He nods a little, watching you speak about it before slightly interrupting._

_“I’m glad you like them. If you plan to share a last name one day I’d hope you all get along.”_

_The comment catches you a bit off guard, but you try and cover it up. You shrug and smirk a little at the handsome boy below you._

_“I think I’d sound pretty good with your last name, don’t you think?” You ask, trying to keep up the act._

_“Think it would sound great actually. Now that I know the crew approves of you,” he smirks._

_You gasp a little, ready to grill him about what that means, when his mom steps onto the deck to tell you that the food is ready. You make a mental note to ask him later about what he had meant._

_The meal goes just as comfortably as the previous days had been and you even get to hear them pick on Ryder a little. It makes you laugh and watching him interact with his most important people only makes you fall for him harder._

_His parents had trusted you both enough to sleep in the same room and as you finish getting ready for bed, you turn to him and remember his earlier comment._

_“What did you mean that they approve of me?” You ask him, sliding under the covers and rolling towards him._

_He shrugs and flips the light off before joining you. He pulls you closer, his arms wrapping around you._

_“They’ve all made little comments here and there about how they think you’re sweet or good for me. Mom straight up said she likes you. Dad doesn’t say it in quite as many words.”_

_You smile, ducking your head into his chest, “well I’m glad they do. I was worried before I came here, but now I almost never want to leave.”_

_Ryder laughs and starts to gently rub your back, “one day you won’t have to. I promise.”_

_You sigh and start to relax in his arms, the long hours outside and in the sun taking their toll. You’re just about to fall asleep when he asks his usual question._

_“Didn’t we have fun?”_

_You kiss his chest, “I always do with you, baby.”_

_**_   
_The months with Ryder quickly blur as your one year anniversary flies by with so many amazing moments. You feel like you’ve known him forever rather than having only met him one school year prior._

_Things get busy as the school year starts to get near the end, and Ryder’s season has one set of games left. He’d had a standout year during his sophomore campaign and you knew it would pay off with Vegas._

_You just didn’t know how soon._

_When Ryder asked you to stop over at his apartment that afternoon you didn’t think anything of it. There were a few days left before the final series of the year and you figured maybe he was just nervous. So you head over without a second thought as to what that night might hold for you._

_You let yourself into the apartment he shared with his brother, noticing that Shay’s backpack and coat were gone. A night class on Wednesdays, you thought to yourself. You and Ryder had used that to your advantage plenty of times that semester._

_“Ry? Where are you?” You call out, kicking your shoes into the pile of much larger ones._

_A door opens down the hall as Ryder comes walking towards you, head hung low. You smile but it quickly fades when he won’t look up at you. An odd feeling sinks into your gut and you hardly step away from the front door._

_“Ryder?” You whisper, the worst situations flying through your mind over his silence, “what’s going on?”_

_He looks at you then and you can tell something is weighing heavily on him. You’re ready to snap as you wait for him to explain._

_“Vegas called. They want me to go there once my season is up.”_

_Your world halts suddenly. Vegas? Vegas was good for him. That’s where he’d end up eventually, and you knew he’d played well enough that they were checking in on him lately. But you didn’t imagine this happening now. You thought you had a few more months in Madison and then the whole summer with him. You thought you’d both get four years together and graduate; you’d get to move on to Vegas together._

_“That’s... that’s amazing, Ryder,” you say, but you know your smile isn’t a real one. You know he can tell, too._

_“I know it’s not what we expected,” he starts off, walking over and grabbing your hands, “and I’ve been thinking about some things. Things between us.”_

_You frown and look up at him quickly, “what do you mean you’ve been thinking?”_

_“I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want you to feel like you have to wait around for me to text or call. I don’t want you to miss going out with the boys or dancing at parties.”_

_You scoff and pull your hands back, “so you’ve been planning a break up? Is that what you’re saying?”_

_“No!” He quickly responds, shaking his head, “not at all. You know I love you and I’m in love with you. But I want you to have fun, too. I think maybe if you’re not tied to me then you can do that better.”_

_“There’s gonna be so many girls dying for your attention there,” you mumble, crossing your arms at the thought. You figured maybe if you held yourself tight enough he couldn’t stand there and break your heart like he was._

_He sighs, “you know that’s not what this is about. I don’t care how many girls there are. I just know you hate long distance. Me being gone in the summer is hard enough, and I don’t want you to be miserable all the time.”_

_You can’t swallow the lump in your throat any longer and the tears start to fall. Ryder’s shoulders sink and he quickly pulls you against him. You press your face into his chest as the sobs start to wrack your body._

_The only boy you’d ever been in love with was letting you go because he didn’t want to hold you back, but you weren’t ready to let go of him either._

_“Ryder, no. Please no, we can do this. We can make it work,” you argue, knowing better but saying it anyways._

_“Baby, please. I’m so sorry,” he mumbles, his voice just as choked up as yours, “you know we’ve talked about this.”_

_You pull back and see his bottom lip quiver as he tries to hold back his own tears. You shake your head, knowing he was right and things probably wouldn’t work out. You’d get mad that he was gone and busy, and he’d be missing out on so much of your life that the fights would be inevitable. It made sense to cut things off. At least at that point in your lives._

_“I love you so much. You’ve taught me so many things and I can never repay you for everything you’ve given me. I’ve never met someone with a better heart or who cares as much as you,” he smiles a little, wiping away the tears that couldn’t stop falling._

_“Rydes, you mean the world to me. I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.”_

_He clears his throat and nods, leaning in to kiss your forehead. You grip his wrists tight, wanting to stay there with him._

_“I’ll still come to your last two games. I wouldn’t miss it,” you say quietly._

_He pulls you in for another hug, burying his face in the side of your neck. This was hard for him too, and so you held him just as tight. Your fingers start to play with his hair, running through the soft blonde locks._

_“You were so good to me,” he mumbles against your skin, “I don’t know how to ever thank you.”_

_“You gotta go do your thing,” you put your hands on his shoulders, pushing him to stand up._

_“Yeah,” he whispers, staring at the ceiling as he tries to pull it together, “I don’t want my stuff back. If you’ve got sweatshirts and stuff then that’s okay. Maybe we’ll find each other again in a couple years. Maybe once you graduate you can come visit me.”_

_You smile, as much for him as for you, “I’d love to. I’m gonna miss you like crazy. And your family, god I’m gonna miss them.”_

_“You know if you ever need anything you can call them. They’ll always love you just as much.”_

_“I need to go, I think. I need to think about everything and process it and...” you shake your head gently, looking once more at the boy whose side you never wanted to leave._

_“I get it. You ever need me, just hit me up. I’ll always look out for you,” he nods and then smiles a little, “didn’t we have fun?”_

_In that moment so many memories flash before your eyes. Your first date, your first study session, your first time with him, your first trip to Minnesota, your first I love you. He’d been your best friend for the last year and a half._

_“You’re one of the best things that ever happened to me, Ryder. And I’ve always had fun with you,” you nod, getting your shoes back on._

_He holds the door for you and leans down, giving you one last kiss._

_“I love you,” he says as you step out the door, “always will.”_

_“Love you more, Ryder,” you nod, turning and forcing yourself to go as the tears cloud your vision._

—

Ryder waits with his breath held to see the little bubble pop up to tell him you were typing. He knew you’d read it. You both had left your read receipts on for each other so he knew.

He thinks back to when he realized he needed to reach back out. He never contacted you anymore, wanting to respect you and give you time to heal. He still talked to the boys on a regular basis though, and that meant on Snapchat as well.

He’d had a game in Chicago that night, just hours from where you and his boys were at. It was a Saturday though, so he knew what you all would be doing. The routine went: game, go change, then head over to KK. He jokingly snapped a few of his regulars about behaving themselves when they were out, but he wasn’t prepared for the return snap he got from Owen.

He still remembers the video like it was burned into his memory. The camera turned on and the flash makes you squint, laughing at Owen. Ryder knows the giggle all too well and can tell you were a little drunk. What he doesn’t expect is you reaching over and taking Owen’s free hand in yours as you say “stop it, why are you so cute, O?”.

Ryder swore his heart was about to collapse when he heard those words out of your mouth. He’d even replayed the video and the feeling in his gut had wrenched hard. He’d had to take a couple deep breaths but that was when he knew he had to try and get you back, long distance or not. He couldn’t imagine you with one of the boys, but he still sends a quick snap back that night.

“ **Take care of her for me!** ”

And he meant it.

Ryder’s brought back to the present as his phone vibrates in his hand. The message from you pops up and he reads it quickly.

‘ ** _It’s been tough but I think I’ll survive. Miss you Rydes._** ’

He hits the phone call button suddenly and you’re more than caught off guard when you see it pop up on your phone screen. You answer hesitantly, not having heard from him in so long. You aren’t sure what to expect.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” he sighs, trying to fight back a huge smile, “I have a question for you.”

Your curiosity wins easily and you find yourself replying with an instant, “and what might that be?”

“I’m coming back to town as soon as the season is over,” he says, not telling you he was making the trip only to try and get you back, “Would you want to get lunch with me?”


End file.
